I often hear people in long term relationships commenting ‘I need something to spice it up’ ‘we
don’t have enough sex’ ‘no time’ ‘too busy’ etc, etc, etc.
Fact - it is very common that some people do think of their own sexual needs more often than
those of their partners, and in these busy times there are so many reasons why we may not be “in the mood”. Work pressures, financial worries, unrealistic expectations from films/media, trust, security, body image, and alcohol - just to name a few.
Of course, it is always recommended that we should consult a professional when unwell. But in the meantime, let’s take a look at how we may be able to improve our emotional and
physical well-being with regards to relighting our meaningful, fulfilled sex lives.
So many people may give advice and we need to remember that we are all individuals and we don’t all think the same. So some, all or none of this may be relevant to our relationship IF things have become a little stagnant.
Disclaimer - Not a therapist, but a parent, friend, wife, partner, daughter and mum who
encourages others to speak openly about SEX.
Communicate, take time to talk about worries and concerns, don’t compare to others, a few
minutes away from the emails, kids, tv or phone.. The happiest couples are those who pay
attention to their partners.
Yes we feel stressed, tired, worried about rejection and self esteem, but we are with our partners for a reason - and the laughter, intimacy and genuine connection is what we want to reignite.
Show affection - hold hands, hug, say something nice, compliment each other, kiss and smile.
Be spontaneous! go for a walk, read erotic literature together, choose a sexy film together.
A sense of humour is good for the soul, laugh at some funny memories or tell a silly joke..
(Why didn’t the bum cross the road? Because there was a crack in it!)
Life’s about the little things, and the small pleasures count. Romance is not dead- a few minutes at the end of a busy day to reconnect with a hug or a gentle cuddle can help relieve and reduce stress.
A massage and some quiet music can alter our mindset in a positive way, relax, it doesn’t
have to be intercourse, just enjoy the moment.
When our relationships are so important then take time to rekindle that bond, relight that spark
but be gentle and mindful of each other, not everyone wants a new 10inch dildo to spice things
up!
Small steps, breathe, be gentle to yourself and partners
If you fancy it then masturbate on your own or together, you know it’s guilt free and feels good
not to mention it releases our endorphins (see previous blogs) which are the Happy Hormones
Small steps and the worries will slowly disappear and our sex lives rejuvinated
No one wants to live a Groundhog Day where everything’s the same.
So say no to unsatisfying sex, none of us are mind readers!
Live, Laugh, Love Yourselves.
Until next time, Pleasure Seekers.
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